Hello again. You were too much for me. I've tried to avoid you. But, now I know I need you. I'll die without you, You make me sooooo hot. Whenever I’m on you, I pump and sweat and grunt. When we’re done, I just want to roll over and fall asleep. Your big daddy’s going to see you tomorrow. I’m going to work you hard. Watch out.
Dear Size 36 belt:
You’re a control freak. You have to let me go. I need my space. I can’t breathe with how you so tightly hold on to me. You make me sick to my stomach. Goodbye.
I appreciate your loyalty. You’ve stuck with me when everyone else has left. I’ve tried to get rid of you several times but you’ve been cool – just hanging loose all over me. But, people are starting to talk about us. We have to be firm and end this now. Goodbye.
Dear Large Size Shirt:
I am so over you. Stop hanging around thinking we might go out together again – it’s not going to happen. I’ve gone on a totally different horizontal direction but you’re still stuck in our past, refusing to grow with me. I have a new size in my life right now - Extra Large. Go pack yourself. It’s over. Goodbye.