Saturday, December 6, 2008

Unsent Letters from a Fat Man

Dear Treadmill:

Hello again. You were too much for me. I've tried to avoid you. But, now I know I need you. I'll die without you, You make me sooooo hot. Whenever I’m on you, I pump and sweat and grunt. When we’re done, I just want to roll over and fall asleep. Your big daddy’s going to see you tomorrow. I’m going to work you hard. Watch out.

Dear Size 36 belt:

You’re a control freak. You have to let me go. I need my space. I can’t breathe with how you so tightly hold on to me. You make me sick to my stomach. Goodbye.

Dear Fat:

I appreciate your loyalty. You’ve stuck with me when everyone else has left. I’ve tried to get rid of you several times but you’ve been cool – just hanging loose all over me. But, people are starting to talk about us. We have to be firm and end this now. Goodbye.

Dear Large Size Shirt:

I am so over you. Stop hanging around thinking we might go out together again – it’s not going to happen. I’ve gone on a totally different horizontal direction but you’re still stuck in our past, refusing to grow with me. I have a new size in my life right now - Extra Large. Go pack yourself. It’s over. Goodbye.



3 comments:

redbolts said...

Do you need a cartoonist? No, not me. This blog can translate so well in a mature audience TV drama (like BartS- he he) or maybe in print like Calvin&Hobbes. Or you could write a column in a national daily. How about an Op Ed? You could get published instantly. As if you need my advice...There's nothing to read sa GNNG - everybody is hibernating in their caves.

Anonymous said...

love it! these words are so graphic! i sure hope, for your sake, that treadmill is female ;-)

Anonymous said...

Ilove the blog Tarcs! It's just damn true1 Thanks friend for sharing this.